Anyone who knows me (and who I trust is not going to fagbash me) knows that my favorite show is America’s Next Top Model. I cannot really explain my fascination other than the fact that it takes me to a fantasy world and makes me think I can really be a model someday. During commercial breaks, I hurriedly run to the bathroom to do my business before Tyra comes back on to preach the gospel. After peeing and deciding not to wash my hands, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and all hell breaks loose. I smize. I find my best angle. Somehow, I end up on the counter kicking my legs in the air. What have I become??!!
ANTM has been giving me false hope that I could really become a model for years now. I first became obsessed with the show in high school when VH1 would air marathons because no one watches UPN. One summer, my friend Shonette and I decided to recreate all of the photo shoots from Season 4. (This should have been a rainbow flag to a lot of people.) After writing down the photo themes from all of the episodes we got to werk. Here are some of our best shots:
Cheetah with lotion
Zebra with lotion
As much as I would have liked an entourage on our shoots, I kept this plan a secret from my parents. I didn’t think they were ready for that. However, one day, my parents couldn’t find me at home so, as any parent would do, they went through all of the papers on my desk. (Unsurprisingly, I was not in the papers) They came across our list of photoshoot themes and that night sat me down and asked why I had “topless” and “Wonderbra” written down on a piece of paper. Uhhhhh….don’t remember how I got out of that without being sent to military school.
While attending my high school in Costa Rica, I found out that I could watch ANTM on YouTube. During my second year, when I cried everyday because my first boyfriend broke my heart into a million pieces and I didn’t know where or if I was going to go to college, I would say I was sick just so I could stay in bed and get my ANTM on.
Over the course of 19 cycles, I became a self-proclaimed expert designer, model, judge, and reality show contestant. My ANTM world was where I really shined. But it was good because only girls were allowed on the show (um Isis??) so it would always be separate from my real life. But when the show announced that guys would be cast for the 20th cycle, everything changed.
Next: My Rejected Application for ANTM Cycle 20 (WITH PHOTOS)
I’m a failed model/international peace mediator. I like telling stories, traveling, and guys. Besides becoming Oprah, my biggest life goal is to be able to do the splits. All the way.