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Because my school tells me as little information as they possibly can, I found out that I had a two-day break the week before it happened. So, I stressed myself out because I knew that this was one of the few opportunities I would have to travel somewhere for longer than a weekend. Since my school is private and driven only by money, it has the power to tell me when my vacation days are. I have no say.

I looked for last minute flights somewhere abroad like Japan or Thailand, but there were no good deals remaining. Luckily, my good Judy Nick had me covered. He had the same days off and proposed a trip down to Busan (pronounced Poo-sahn) to stay with his friends. Korea’s second largest city and the fifth busiest seaport in the world (according to Wikipedia), Busan is located on the country’s southeastern coast. Although the city has beaches, the temperatures were not ideal swimsuit weather while we were there unfortunately.

Temps in Fahrenheit unfortunately
Temps in Fahrenheit 🙁

That gives me more time to be up in the gym and work on my fitness (he’s my witness).

Nick and I woke up early Sunday morning to take the four and half hour train ride down to Busan. There is a high-speed train that could have gotten us there in half the time, but it’s twice as expensive. Neither Nick nor I are classy or rich, so we were perfectly fine taking it slow and steady. I surprisingly slept for a good chunk of the ride down. Nick, on the other hand, had been feeling sick, so his train experience wasn’t as relaxing.

Once we arrived in Busan, we made our way to the Seomyeon area where Nick’s friends, Stacy and Rob, live. They took me to see some of the city while Nick stayed home and rested.

We went to Jagalchi Market near the port.

Then we went to Yongdusan Park and the bottom of Busan Tower (because we didn’t want to pay to go up).

courtesy of Stacy Austin

So we went to the rooftop of a nearby mall, which offered great views for free.

courtesy of Stacy Austin
courtesy of Stacy Austin

The weather was perfect for walking around, a nice break from Seoul’s brutal winter. Stacy and Rob were great hosts/guides. Both have been in Korea for a while and are really knowledgeable and involved in the community. Stacy’s all-encompassing personal website is here. Rob’s part of a band called Robsanity. Listen here.

My most memorable experience of this trip was going to my first jimjilbang. A jimjilbang is a public Korean bathhouse. Conan O’Brien even went to one.

Many foreigners get nervous because the JJbang is segregated by gender and you must be completely naked in the bath area. After acclimating to dat Korean gym lyfe in Seoul, I was pretty immune to the fear of being naked in front of other people. I kind of wanted to be naked all the time.


Beforehand, I did feel a little weird about being naked in front of Nick because he’s a friend. But I didn’t want to go to a jimjilbang by myself at first, so I had to suck it up. We went to Spa Land, which is attached to (allegedly) the biggest department store in the world. After paying 15,000 won (about $12.50) to get in, we went to the locker rooms, got naked, and then headed to the baths.

This is what they look like at Spa Land:

Before getting into the baths, you have to take a shower. Then you just basically lounge around for as long as you want. There are multiple tubs to choose from. They have different water temperatures and some include salt, minerals, or tea. There are also sauna rooms with different levels of heat. The two temperatures at Spa Land were hot (40°C/104°F) and Satan’s ball sack (80°C/176°F). After the baths and saunas, you can also lounge around the common area for both sexes (with clothes on) and buy snacks and enjoy more heated and therapeutic rooms.

My first jimilbang experience was great. It was a super relaxing and fun to just hop around between the different pools and saunas. I even splurged for a scrub where an old man wearing only a pair of shorts and white rain boots wrapped cloths around his arm like a cast and then scrubbed my entire naked body.

I saw a lot of dongs at the jimjilbang (thus the title) and learned a lot about Korean men’s bodies. I would like to complete some further research on this topic before I come to any conclusions (wink wink), but here are my initial findings based on both my JJbang trip and the time I’ve spent in my gym’s locker room:

  1. Koreans don’t typically trim their pubic hair. Like at all. As my sister warned me, they voted for President BUSH. Their body hair isn’t as course as white people’s so rather than curl, it just sticks straight out and forms a bouffant that leads the way when they walk. I’m not judging it. It’s just different than what I’m used to. Especially the gay guys I’ve known who treat their pubes like bonsai trees, ever so carefully shaping and preventing them from growing to their full potential.
  1. I feel more comfortable about my body in front of Korean strangers than other white people. Nick and I were the only foreigners when we arrived. However, while there, two more pink dicks* showed up, and I instantly felt more insecure. I think I compare myself less to Korean people because their bodies are so different than mine. Back in the U.S., I always wonder if other guys are fitter, cuter, or have better skin than me. But with Korean guys, I just know I’ll never be as tan or have the same thick hair (on their heads) as them. So, I guess I’ve realized there’s no point in comparing myself to them. That should be a lesson I take home with me. Stop comparing.
  1. The Korean booty game is strong. I guess I had just assumed that Asian guys were stereotypically short and skinny and that’s about it. But, butts here are so bubbly and not just the buff guys who are always at the gym. Maybe it’s because they walk everywhere. Maybe it’s a magical side effect of eating kimchi all the time. Either way, I am in awe and now insecure about my sad pancake booty.

So thanks to Busan – for new friends and new experiences. I’ll be back when the weather’s warmer and my Korean ass grows in.


*One of the white guys had completely shaved his pubes off, which contrasted SO MUCH with the rest of the bushes there.

Body Complaining

Body Complaining

The body can be a beautiful thing. Besides having the capacity to be beautiful on the exterior, it also can be incredibly resilient in fighting infections, recovering from ailments, and adapting to new changes.

The body can also be gross as fuck. For example, my body has grossed me out NUMEROUS times in the past. I know that I’m getting older but damn, some of the stuff that has happened to me over the years really makes me think that God has a sense of humor. Here is a list of some of these less ideal occurrences:

1. Pimples anywhere besides of my face – I get that acne is a right of passage for many adolescents. Hormones, oily skin, blackheads, etc. But eventually, it needs to stop. Wet dreams do so why can’t acne? Recently, I have found pimples on my shin, inner thigh, and the surprisingly unsurprising ass pimple. It’s always right on the part of your butt where you sit too.

Every summer

2. I once had boogers coming out of my eyes – I got sick and I guess I touched my eyes after rubbing my nose. So, I’ll take the blame for that one.

3. Gray pubic hairs – I have two. You would think that they blend in with their brothers. They don’t. Therefore, sexy times must always occur in the dark.

4. Hair on my nose – No, not in my nose, on it. Have to tweeze that once or twice a week. The only other person that I’ve seen with this is a Turkish shop assistant.

5. Bald patch in my chest hair – No one claims to see it but I trim my chest hair when I bare it in public so that it looks even. I used to use this medicine for my chest acne and I guess it just Chernobyl-ed the shit out of that patch of skin. I should have used it on my ass too.

6. Male yeast infection – Most guys who get this usually get it from having sex with a yeasty girl. I can assure you this did not happen. I just wanted to wear cute tight underwear and work out to get in shape. This led to a six-month long series of red patches all over my junk, including one that looked like South America.


Despite all of these imperfections, I still appreciate my body a lot. I mean, how could I have survived so many drunken shenanigans and still look this good every morning?  Okay, not EVERY morning.

However, I do think a lot of these do crush my dreams of ever becoming a model. The number one reason I won’t be a supermodel though is my body and once again, that’s a little bit my fault. But who wants a pimply ass to walk down the runway? No one.

So Dove, please include me in your next Body Beautiful campaign. You have all shapes, sizes, and colors so why not add some gray pubes? TY