Mid-Summer/Visit to the Grandparents/Rhianna

Mid-Summer/Visit to the Grandparents/Rhianna

I decided that since I’ve been back to the good ol’ US of A for almost a month, it’s time to give a little briefing on how things are going (for doz of u who is interested).

My internship is going well. Things seem to be kind of picking up and I’m getting used to my commute from hell. One of my favs, Noa (like the ark, but without an “h”), no longer works with us which sucks some major ass, but I know that she is deeply regretting her decision to leave. She misses all our faces, especially mine and Sara’s. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITHOUT YOU NOA!!!!…(sometimes). But yeah, my drive+train+metro still pisses me off. Cannot get over why my parents chose to live in Front Royal, 1) because it’s hella far away from DC and 2) because it’s called Front Royal. Still, don’t even know what that means. You can’t just put two words together and call it a town. “Behind Queen”, “Below King”: do you want those town names on your job application? I think not! Might as well go live on Breezy Lane in Castle Rock, Colorado. So, FroRo, take my advice, and change the name.
P.S. There are some uber hotties on the metro. Makes me want to work in DC ALL DUH TIME!

Jersey (not the shore)

So, my older sister was in town for a couple of weeks. She just left today 🙁 and I miss her already. My mom decided that since we were both here, she would take us up to visit her parents (our gparents) for the 4th of July weekend. Awesome! I love Gma and Pop pop and I haven’t seen them since before I went to Turkey. But, my family is pretty conservez if you haven’t heard. My gparents were still freaked out 2 YEARS AFTER i dyed my hair black and grew my stubble out. AND! last summer they almost didn’t want to see me because I had gotten my nose pierced. FTW?! Keep that in mind as I tell you some of the things that I experienced over the course of two days.

1. I had to listen to how the immigrants were taking over the country (and the Catholic churches!) over dinner.
2. My grandpa was surprised when I told him I didn’t go to church every Sunday/or at all while I was in Turkey.
3. My grandma announced pretty loudly in church that my grandpa, “can’t hold his corn.” ???
4. I went to see “Bad Teacher” with my Gma and older sister which was awkward because the language was surprisingly vulgar, even for me. Imagine being in a movie theater with your grandma and one of the lines is “Dry f#$% the f#$% out of me”
5. I keep getting lectured on what type of girl I should bring home to my mom/gma…Don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that advice.

But, it was a lot of fun and I’m glad I got to see everyone.

FUNNY STORY!
Look at this picture first.

This is someone receiving communion in a Catholic church. My family is Catholic and my grandparents and my mom especially are REALLY Catholic. My mom goes to church every week and I…don’t. She gets up so early and I don’t like organized religion so I choose not to go. A couple of weekends ago after mass, my mom told us this story about how she went to receive communion. Notice in the picture how the nun is receiving the wafer/body of X in her mouth and the pope’s assistant is holding the metal thing that looks like a ping-pong paddle underneath in case the wafer falls. Well, my mom went to do this (because her church is really old-fashioned) and the alter boy who was holding the ping-pong paddle accidentally whacked my mom in the throat.
When she told us this, I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. I think it is so damn funny! I know some people might take offense to this because it’s about religious matters so sorry. My mom will even try not to laugh about it because she thinks its a mortal sin or whatever, but I will continue to tell this story to anyone who will listen.

Rihanna’s new song: “California King Bed”
I like your voice, but who the eff wrote these lyrics?
You cannot sing about the size of your bed. Twin, double, queen, nope, she goes for the CALIFORNIA KING!!!

“In this California king bed
We’re ten thousand miles apart
I’ve been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king”

You can also not just put a state in front of a verb and call it good. “California wishing” does not make sense. “California dreaming” well, that’s a famous song so it’s immune to this rule. But Princess Rhi Rhi, you cannot be “Montana frolicking” or “Maryland sashaying.” I don’t know what they taught you in Barbados, but we do NOT talk like that. Keep the voice. Change the lyrics. Kthanx

Peace out,
Consuela

Author: Peter

I’m a failed model/international peace mediator. I like telling stories, traveling, and guys. Besides becoming Oprah, my biggest life goal is to be able to do the splits. All the way.

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