Israeli Men: The Good, the Bad, and the Assholes

Israeli Men: The Good, the Bad, and the Assholes

I really need to update this more frequently so that I can give more thorough updates. A lot has happened in the past week or so and of course, I’m going to tell you all about it! (or at least the non-embarrassing parts)

Let’s start with last weekend because that’s when interesting shit happened. On Friday, my one good Israeli hostess Atalya met me at my university to go to the Jerusalem Film Festival. It attracts movies and people from all over the world and was really an interesting place to be. We saw one movie on Friday and two on Saturday, all Israeli movies. One of them was some weird Israeli sci-fi shit which I obviously didn’t like, but the other two were seriously life-changing (at least for a few days). They both focused on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to some extent and gave me different perspectives on how the ordeal affects people in the region. One was a documentary about a family in Gaza who’s son had a rare disease that could only be cured by a transplant if a perfect donor was found. However, the boy was brought to Israel to be treated and it showed how the family’s opinion of Israel changed throughout the course of the treatment and their personal thoughts on the situation. The coolest thing about the festival was that the directors and actors were all there. They came on stage and talked at the end, and of course by the time the family from Gaza went up, everybody in the audience was a puddle. In conclusion, this affected me in that I realized that although I might not find someone to dedicate my life to (dramatic, I know), I can dedicate my life to some worthwhile cause.

After the film on Friday night, Atalya drove us to Tel Aviv to see Ivri Lider’s concert. Ivri Lider (Israeli Man #1) is a really famous singer in Israel and I actually had some of his music on my iPod before coming to Israel. So, it was really neat to see him on stage. He didn’t sing any songs that I knew so it was obvious that I’m not from these parts as Israelis see concerts more as sing-a-longs. They sing pretty much every word to every song, sometimes louder than the singer. But, I had a really great time and I’m glad that Atalya worked her Jewish voodoo and got us tickets. Did I mention Ivri Lider’s gay, single, and extremely attractive? Whoops, guess that’s a minor detail.

On Sunday, which is a school night, I met up with Talya (her black name) to see “Fiddler on the Roof” in Tel Aviv. I was slightly unhappy that it was the same night as the World Cup final, but quickly got over when I heard from my friends that it wasn’t that much fun to watch. The play was really awesome. Yeah, it was all in Hebrew, but it had subtitles in English on a screen for those of us who still can’t speak Hebrew after 3 weeks in Israel. I’m now very cultured in Israeli cinema, music, and theater. So be jealous!

BTW, Atalya and I got in our first mini-fight since I’ve been here. I told her to turn the wrong way and she waved a fist at time and bit her lip. We worked it out though.
More gossip on Atalya:
1) I still don’t know what her boyfriend looks like because she won’t let me meet him and hasn’t showed me pictures. She denies that he’s chocolate but you can never be so sure…
2) Apparently, they like to “go to” the water tower in Modi’in. Maybe I’ll spy on them there.

In my Hebrew class, we have two teachers who alternate. One’s name is Nomi (I nicknamed her Lawn Gnomie) and the other is Michal. Somehow, both of them were sick for four consecutive days this past week. How does that happen? Seriously, how does that happen? How do you have a cold when it’s the summer in Israel a.k.a. a desert?

Meanwhile, my best friend here is Carrie Lieberthal. She’s from New York and gets all my humor. We joke about youtube videos and Hebrew slang and make fun of Swedish accents. We also enjoy being drunkorexic, drunk, and eating drunchies (you can’t really do the first and the last one at the same time, it’s not healthy). She’s in Jordan this weekend and Atalya just left for Germany with her family so I’m missing my gurls a lot. But isn’t this supposed to be about Israeli men?


Israeli Man/Boy #0 is now being a douche by not talking to me at all. Sometimes, I think he’s read my blog and thinks I’m an asshole. But I don’t think he actually gives a shit about me that much to read it. So I will continue to chat shit and update the situation as I feel appropriate.

Last night=Good Shit.
My gurls are both out of town, but I went with some people from class downtown. At first, it was chill, just pre-drinking and going to a bar. My friend Arthemis met a Palestinian guy in the bar and then proceeded to make out with him for a good half hour.
But enough about other people, let’s focus on me. We ended up going to this place called Constantine, a great dance club (not like Club 101). Our group had 10 or so people, mostly stupid Americans, so I was getting it by myself.
Later on, I noticed this group of three guys who were dancing together and I thought one of them was cute. This happens to me all the time, I just tell have to tell myself they’re straight because most of the time they are. But this group smelled like diva. My ‘dar was dinging. But I had only met two of the criteria for a successful match: gay and I’m interested. The third criterion is that the other person is interested. This is where it gets weird. So I was dancing by myself, but still close to the group in case the cute one made a move. He was the shy one of the group, so I knew I’d have to be persistent to get the goods. Eventually, we ended up dancing together like unsure gay people do. That means when you’re not sure a guy is interested in you, you dance right next to him and “accidentally” keep bumping into him. If he does the same to you, then you know he likes you. That happened! We were at the point where one of us just had to say hi but he is super shy and I just wasn’t drunk enough. He kept whispering to his posse, and all of a sudden one of his friends came up to me and said something in Hebrew. I thought it would be something like, “He likes you, he’s just shy” or
“What’s your name? My friend’s interested.” I was wrong. I asked (in Hebrew, mind you) for him to tell me in English and this is what he said, “You, Him, No.” WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEEEFFFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKK???!!!!
Why are the love gods making me look like a fool? I thought I followed the rules. He seemed interested and then he’s not? And he had to get his friend to tell me to go away. You and your handsome self can definitely join the asshole category (the biggest category) of Israeli men.
It’s not supposed to be a big deal to dance with someone at a club and then nothing happens. Straight people do it all the time. But how often do I come across someone who is gay by association (his friends were obvious), good looking, looks like he doesn’t still live at home, and acts interested in me? It really put a damper on my night although I tried not to let it.

I left the club with Arthemis at 3 or 3:30. We ended up at this pizza place and sat down next to an Israeli guy. He started talking to us, and it turns out he is the nicest Israeli guy I’ve met so far. He also has white teeth and doesn’t have a uni-brow which is not very common here. We talked with him until 5 in the morning and then he gave us a ride home. Arthemis is meeting him tomorrow for coffee. I’m jealous. She can have the Palestinian guy she made out with. I’ll take this one.
Juicy Tid-bit: As we were walking to nice Israeli’s car, I saw someone walking next to us that looked identical to the guy in the club. He wasn’t wearing the same clothes so I wasn’t sure, but he kept looking at me. I was wearing the same thing so he could’ve recognized me easily if he wanted a second chance. When we turned onto another street, he stopped where he was and just watched us go. I contemplated going back and asking him if he was the same person. I didn’t, but I regret it today because I actually went on Craig’s List looking for a Missed Connection=Embarrassing.

Interesting and Funny Facts:
1) My favorite Israeli graphic tee so far: “Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?”
2) The Israeli climate makes me have lots of boogers. Don’t know why.
3) This song is hot is Israel right now:
4) I got my nose pierced!!! Don’t tell my mom.

Author: Peter

I’m a failed model/international peace mediator. I like telling stories, traveling, and guys. Besides becoming Oprah, my biggest life goal is to be able to do the splits. All the way.

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