Easy, Breezy, Beautiful…GAY?!

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful…GAY?!

As my last winter break as a college student comes to a close, I decided to reflect on all that has happened in the month since last semester’s classes finished (and my 23rd birthday eww). This winter break was anything but cold in terms of juicy shit in my life. It was HOT HOT HOT! I faced my fear of flying with a record-breaking five flights. On the way back to Oklahoma, I thought I wasn’t going to make it because it felt like we were attacked by a swarm of pterodactyls. Maybe watching Lost isn’t good for my phobia…

My parents live in the high-class town of Front Royal, Virginia where banks count their coins by hand and the county fair has midget wrestling so that is where I was for most of the break. For Christmas, we went down to a cabin my parents have in Georgia. It was on the nine-hour car ride that I realized that I have a new phobia: road trips. After crawling out of the back windshield of a flipped car last semester, I’m not really happy to be trapped in a car for long periods of time. I especially hate passing semis, RVs, or any other vehicle that has the potential to 1) crush me or 2) force me off the road. But somehow we made it there and back in one piece. The cabin doesn’t have internet or really anything to do, but it was nice to relax and spend time with family…for the first day or so.

I also took a trip to visit my grandparents in New Jersey for a weekend with my mom. That’s only five hours away so the car ride didn’t make me as anxious. It was on the way back that I decided to tell my mom that I’m gay once and for all. I’ve wanted to come out to my family for a while and I thought that they were becoming more open to the idea. But ever since I came back from Turkey, they have seemed uber weird about anything relevant to gay people and sometimes even talk to me about bringing girls home. I know you’re probably reading this thinking “How does Peter’s family not know? He’s SOOOO gay!” First, you’re a shithead and two, my parents were in the military and are conservative and don’t really understand the concept of gay because they know zero gay people. But I decided to do it in this five-hour car trip so that my mom couldn’t run away from me. It could have been super awkward but it actually went quite well. She’s supportive and wanted me to know that she loves me, etc etc. But once we got to talking more, she got a little too confident and looking back, it kind of makes me a little uncomfortable. She went from “we kind of suspected” to “yeah, well we’ve known for forever because your stepdad caught you looking at gay porn that one time in seventh grade”. She also asked me if I’m attracted to black guys and proceeded to tell me that she’s never been sexually attracted to them. The biggest overshare was when she decided to let me know that my 12-year-old sister is expecting to get her period any day now. Thanks, Carol Ann for your support with my gaydom but we don’t need to get that close.

Now that I’m back in Norman, Oklahoma, the asshole boy capital of America, I’d like to make a list of resolutions for this coming semester:
1. Regain some of the confidence I lost in the fall. After being the hot American in Istanbul, I was at about an 8 on a scale of 1-10. After multiple failed attempts at hooking up/relationships (?) and even more embarrassing run-ins with boys, I am now at about a 4, a 5 on good days. I haven’t exactly decided how to regain this confidence but I have a whole semester.
2. Run a half marathon. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Somehow I got to get this boney ass across the finish line. Is it going to be easy? No. But it’s going to happen.
3. Figure out what I’m doing with my life. Red Lobster is still an option, but not my ideal choice. I’d like to find a job in a city where I’m considered attractive, so that eliminates most places in America…

Lots o’ luh!

Author: Peter

I’m a failed model/international peace mediator. I like telling stories, traveling, and guys. Besides becoming Oprah, my biggest life goal is to be able to do the splits. All the way.

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