I’m on the Pill-ary

I’m on the Pill-ary

With less than two months left in Armenia, I am still one cranky bitch. All three of the friends I once had have all departed, leaving poor Peter all by himself to watch endless episodes of television. But, I have finally accepted my predicament and am content. I have spent the past year applying for internships and jobs. My current internship has materialized from all of my efforts, but besides the UN name on resume, it hasn’t given me much. And I have to be ok with that!

If I could go back in time, I probably wouldn’t have taken this internship. I would have just taken a job at a bank in some cool metropolitan area. Then I could blow my way to the top (either via drugs or old men or both) and spend all my earnings traveling the world, which is all I really want to do. Or, I could be like everyone else I graduated with and go get a Master’s degree in nothing. I always chuckle to myself thinking that these people will be in my current position in two years but they’re probably laughing at me in my loser predicament right now.

So! I have a lot of preparations to make for my big arrival back in the US. I have decided to work at Cracker Barrel or Golden Corral (whichever one will hire me). I’ll live in motel and spend my free time blogging and choreographing dance routines to Rihanna songs with the local hoodlum children. I’ll legally change my name to something trashy like Beyonce Pad Thai (Mindy Project) so that my family will no longer be embarrassed by their unemployed relative. (Everyone thinks I’m Asian anyways) Despite making my career in the food industry, I plan to starve myself so much that I can fit into child sizes. This will make my shopping sprees at the Goodwill even cheaper.

I’m semi-kidding with this. Yes, I’m depressed that I’m almost 24 (yikes!) and can’t get a job of any kind. But, my latest goal is to find a decent job at a law firm in the DC area. This means I’ll probably end up working in the ghetto, but that’s where Obama got his start, right? I really just want to be Hillary though. Ok, I would even love being her bitch. Could you imagine that on my resume: Peter Jones, HCB (Hillary Clinton’s Bitch). Yes, hunty.

 

Also, I’m going to Poland and Hungary for my bday and Christmas! All you people with friends, you can be jealous of me for that.

Author: Peter

I’m a failed model/international peace mediator. I like telling stories, traveling, and guys. Besides becoming Oprah, my biggest life goal is to be able to do the splits. All the way.

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