Browsed by
Month: July 2010

Cover it up!

Cover it up!

My apartment building faces another one, and some people don’t realize that if you don’t close your window, people can see into your room. That means they can see all the stuff you do in your room. Like if you’re having sex across from my building with the window open and I happen to look out of my window at the same time (like right now), I can see you.

Israeli Men: The Good, the Bad, and the Assholes

Israeli Men: The Good, the Bad, and the Assholes

I really need to update this more frequently so that I can give more thorough updates. A lot has happened in the past week or so and of course, I’m going to tell you all about it! (or at least the non-embarrassing parts)

Let’s start with last weekend because that’s when interesting shit happened. On Friday, my one good Israeli hostess Atalya met me at my university to go to the Jerusalem Film Festival. It attracts movies and people from all over the world and was really an interesting place to be. We saw one movie on Friday and two on Saturday, all Israeli movies. One of them was some weird Israeli sci-fi shit which I obviously didn’t like, but the other two were seriously life-changing (at least for a few days). They both focused on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to some extent and gave me different perspectives on how the ordeal affects people in the region. One was a documentary about a family in Gaza who’s son had a rare disease that could only be cured by a transplant if a perfect donor was found. However, the boy was brought to Israel to be treated and it showed how the family’s opinion of Israel changed throughout the course of the treatment and their personal thoughts on the situation. The coolest thing about the festival was that the directors and actors were all there. They came on stage and talked at the end, and of course by the time the family from Gaza went up, everybody in the audience was a puddle. In conclusion, this affected me in that I realized that although I might not find someone to dedicate my life to (dramatic, I know), I can dedicate my life to some worthwhile cause.

After the film on Friday night, Atalya drove us to Tel Aviv to see Ivri Lider’s concert. Ivri Lider (Israeli Man #1) is a really famous singer in Israel and I actually had some of his music on my iPod before coming to Israel. So, it was really neat to see him on stage. He didn’t sing any songs that I knew so it was obvious that I’m not from these parts as Israelis see concerts more as sing-a-longs. They sing pretty much every word to every song, sometimes louder than the singer. But, I had a really great time and I’m glad that Atalya worked her Jewish voodoo and got us tickets. Did I mention Ivri Lider’s gay, single, and extremely attractive? Whoops, guess that’s a minor detail.

On Sunday, which is a school night, I met up with Talya (her black name) to see “Fiddler on the Roof” in Tel Aviv. I was slightly unhappy that it was the same night as the World Cup final, but quickly got over when I heard from my friends that it wasn’t that much fun to watch. The play was really awesome. Yeah, it was all in Hebrew, but it had subtitles in English on a screen for those of us who still can’t speak Hebrew after 3 weeks in Israel. I’m now very cultured in Israeli cinema, music, and theater. So be jealous!

BTW, Atalya and I got in our first mini-fight since I’ve been here. I told her to turn the wrong way and she waved a fist at time and bit her lip. We worked it out though.
More gossip on Atalya:
1) I still don’t know what her boyfriend looks like because she won’t let me meet him and hasn’t showed me pictures. She denies that he’s chocolate but you can never be so sure…
2) Apparently, they like to “go to” the water tower in Modi’in. Maybe I’ll spy on them there.

In my Hebrew class, we have two teachers who alternate. One’s name is Nomi (I nicknamed her Lawn Gnomie) and the other is Michal. Somehow, both of them were sick for four consecutive days this past week. How does that happen? Seriously, how does that happen? How do you have a cold when it’s the summer in Israel a.k.a. a desert?

Meanwhile, my best friend here is Carrie Lieberthal. She’s from New York and gets all my humor. We joke about youtube videos and Hebrew slang and make fun of Swedish accents. We also enjoy being drunkorexic, drunk, and eating drunchies (you can’t really do the first and the last one at the same time, it’s not healthy). She’s in Jordan this weekend and Atalya just left for Germany with her family so I’m missing my gurls a lot. But isn’t this supposed to be about Israeli men?


Israeli Man/Boy #0 is now being a douche by not talking to me at all. Sometimes, I think he’s read my blog and thinks I’m an asshole. But I don’t think he actually gives a shit about me that much to read it. So I will continue to chat shit and update the situation as I feel appropriate.

Last night=Good Shit.
My gurls are both out of town, but I went with some people from class downtown. At first, it was chill, just pre-drinking and going to a bar. My friend Arthemis met a Palestinian guy in the bar and then proceeded to make out with him for a good half hour.
But enough about other people, let’s focus on me. We ended up going to this place called Constantine, a great dance club (not like Club 101). Our group had 10 or so people, mostly stupid Americans, so I was getting it by myself.
Later on, I noticed this group of three guys who were dancing together and I thought one of them was cute. This happens to me all the time, I just tell have to tell myself they’re straight because most of the time they are. But this group smelled like diva. My ‘dar was dinging. But I had only met two of the criteria for a successful match: gay and I’m interested. The third criterion is that the other person is interested. This is where it gets weird. So I was dancing by myself, but still close to the group in case the cute one made a move. He was the shy one of the group, so I knew I’d have to be persistent to get the goods. Eventually, we ended up dancing together like unsure gay people do. That means when you’re not sure a guy is interested in you, you dance right next to him and “accidentally” keep bumping into him. If he does the same to you, then you know he likes you. That happened! We were at the point where one of us just had to say hi but he is super shy and I just wasn’t drunk enough. He kept whispering to his posse, and all of a sudden one of his friends came up to me and said something in Hebrew. I thought it would be something like, “He likes you, he’s just shy” or
“What’s your name? My friend’s interested.” I was wrong. I asked (in Hebrew, mind you) for him to tell me in English and this is what he said, “You, Him, No.” WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEEEFFFFFFFUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKK???!!!!
Why are the love gods making me look like a fool? I thought I followed the rules. He seemed interested and then he’s not? And he had to get his friend to tell me to go away. You and your handsome self can definitely join the asshole category (the biggest category) of Israeli men.
It’s not supposed to be a big deal to dance with someone at a club and then nothing happens. Straight people do it all the time. But how often do I come across someone who is gay by association (his friends were obvious), good looking, looks like he doesn’t still live at home, and acts interested in me? It really put a damper on my night although I tried not to let it.

I left the club with Arthemis at 3 or 3:30. We ended up at this pizza place and sat down next to an Israeli guy. He started talking to us, and it turns out he is the nicest Israeli guy I’ve met so far. He also has white teeth and doesn’t have a uni-brow which is not very common here. We talked with him until 5 in the morning and then he gave us a ride home. Arthemis is meeting him tomorrow for coffee. I’m jealous. She can have the Palestinian guy she made out with. I’ll take this one.
Juicy Tid-bit: As we were walking to nice Israeli’s car, I saw someone walking next to us that looked identical to the guy in the club. He wasn’t wearing the same clothes so I wasn’t sure, but he kept looking at me. I was wearing the same thing so he could’ve recognized me easily if he wanted a second chance. When we turned onto another street, he stopped where he was and just watched us go. I contemplated going back and asking him if he was the same person. I didn’t, but I regret it today because I actually went on Craig’s List looking for a Missed Connection=Embarrassing.

Interesting and Funny Facts:
1) My favorite Israeli graphic tee so far: “Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?”
2) The Israeli climate makes me have lots of boogers. Don’t know why.
3) This song is hot is Israel right now:
4) I got my nose pierced!!! Don’t tell my mom.



Alright, so this is what we’ve all been wanting to know: how do things turn out between my mystery acquaintance from the past (although everyone knows who I’m talking about) and me when we finally meet up again two years later. Can you guess? Well, it happened this weekend and it’s juicy, so strap yourself in.

But first, let’s back up a little and I’ll tell you how things have been going outside of that. I’m semi-making friends in class. I mean, sometimes I feel like I have people to hang out with, but other times, I think to myself, why have I been in my room for 5 hours and no one has called, texted, sexted, emailed, facebooked…Needless to say, I’m still not in love with it here, but it’s way better than spending all summer in Norman in my opinion. Did I mention it’s free? Yet another reason I can’t complain.
So one night last week, I decided to not be mopey and think about all the close friendships I don’t have here, but to take advantage of my location. I’m only a bus ride from downtown Jerusalem a.k.a J-Ru. So, I hopped on the bus that I knew went to Old City (where the Wailing Wall and the Golden Dome and all that shizz is) and got off at the right spot. From there, I could either go right or left and there were no signs so I had to take a guess as to which way was better. Forty minutes later, I realized I had walked in the wrong direction. Isn’t that fantastic? And it wasn’t scenic at all either. I had walked through construction zones and abandoned buildings. I thought I was going to get gang raped by a flock of rabies-infested stray cats. I still had a good attitude and finally got to the Old City. I went to the Wailing Wall, which is really neat, had a good twenty minutes of reflection and decided I better head home since it was about 10:30 pm. I finally headed back to the bus stop I got off at, and prayed that the right bus would come. It did! “Great!” I thought. I am such an independent person and can get around by myself abroad. I spoke too soon. The bus pulled up to this weird hospital complex thing with lots of construction an hour later and the driver told me I had to get off. I asked if this was the bus that went to my university and he said it was but I was supposed to take it in the other direction. Luckily another bus was leaving in the right direction in about twenty minutes. So, there I was holding back tears in the middle of nowhere Jerusalem with religious Jewish people and scantily glad Russian looking women and who decides to call? You guessed it! Talking on the phone with him didn’t help me at all because I felt even stupider. Eventually, I got back to my university but this is just one of the reasons why my relationship with Israel is on the rocks. Plus the sex isn’t that good any more.

Ok, ready? Here it comes!

Thursday night (which is like a Friday night in the U.S.), there was a White Night in Tel Aviv. That’s where a lot of the stores stay open, and there are concerts and exhibitions and stuff all over the city. So I took a bus (successfully) to Modi’in, the city of my girl Atalya. There, her mom fed me, while I waited two hours for Atalya to clean the bathroom…That’s weird, right? Well, it is Atalya. Then it happened. A certain someone (CS for short) met us there and then we all went to TLV together on the train. The first contact with CS after two years was awkward to say the least, but I genuinely was happy to see him and wanted to have a good time. But the whole train ride there, he honestly acted like a douche bag. He only talked about himself and found any excuse to talk down to us. When we got to the city, he just walked wherever he wanted to go, without caring if we were behind him or not. Whatevs. By UWC coincidence, our friend Shany from Austria happened to be in Israel as well and we met her along with 3 other UWCCR-ers from Israel. CS FLIPPED HIS SHIT for Shany. Let me repeat that, FLIPPED HIS SHIT. I think a part of it was to shove it in my face that he was happier to see her than me, but I’m not sure. The rest of the night, we walked around the entire fucking city of Tel Aviv. I swear to Oprah I must have walked 10 miles. I was a little cranky at the beginning of the night, thinking about the CS sitch, but then snapped out of it and ended up having a good time overall, although I was the only one in the group who didn’t speak Hebrew. Back to CS: he went from simply being conceited when it was just Atalya and me to PURPOSEFULLY NOT TALKING TO ME, NOT LOOKING AT ME, AND MOVING AWAY ON PURPOSE ANY TIME I WAS SEMI-CLOSE TO HIM. Being the mature person I am (haha), I tried to not make much of it at the time. He left earlier than anyone else because he was tired from a long week of work (which is understandable). But then he called Atalya because he had a question about the buses and I asked to speak to him. I told him that if every interaction we were going to have from now on was going to be like that, it’s just silly to even meet up. He told me that yeah things were kind of awkward but that he wasn’t upset with me or anything. This is where I’m confused. I wasn’t hoping to rekindle a romance, restart a friendship or even be on speaking terms. I just wanted to have fun with some friends from the past as I happen to be in fucking Israel. Fucking Israel. Like, I’m only here almost never so you could try to at least seem interested in my life for two seconds. Is that too much to ask??? Or is it normal for you to talk to everyone else except one person?

I haven’t heard from him since then, so it’s TBD what will happen with this dilemma. But this story actually has a happy ending, at least at this point in time.

We got home at 7am Friday morning, slept till 5pm, and then went for Shabbat dinner at the grandparents house. They are the nicest people and the food was awesome. Sunday, my future wife (for the green card), Atalya and I went to Jellyfish Beach. It’s not really called that, but it’s the place where I got stung by a jellyfish three years ago so I think it’s cursed. After this fun filled weekend and lots of thinking, I have come to the conclusion, that although the interaction between CS and I was shit, it was one of the best things that has happened to me lately. I feel like I have been hugged by Tyra because all the stress I was under before is gone and I have so much more confidence. I don’t get nervous thinking about CS anymore and honestly could care less to keep in touch with him once I leave Israel. Who wants to be friends/ even be in contact with a douche or someone who won’t even look at you in the eye? I have spent all this time hoping that he would come to his sense and that we could be friends again, but now, I FINALLY realize how silly that is. He has his new friends and his life and I have mine. I consider my friends to be some of the best ever and I’m at a point where I’m actually pretty content with my life. I also think that I’m a pretty kickass friend and a catch when it comes to relationships so if some Israeli can’t handle this, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, just not in Oklahoma. Of course, he’s been more than a great friend to me in the past, and with my maternal instincts, I know that if he was ever trapped under a bus, you bet your sweet ass, I would lift that sucker off of him. But nothing is meant to be now. Thank god I have finally come to this conclusion on my own. I feel like crying I’m so happy.

But let’s get to funny things, yeah?
1. In Israel, they have chocolate spread that you put on bread. No, not Nutella dumb bitches, if it was Nutella, I would have called it that. It’s pure chocolate and I have been snarfing it down ever since I got here. If I come back with a gut and thunder thighs, this is where I got it.
2. Israelis have no sidewalk etiquette. If you are walking in the opposite direction on a sidewalk, they will walk straight at you, even if there is tons of room. So dumb.
3. I stole a kipa from the Wailing Wall. Need to add it to my collection.
4. Both the toilet paper and tissues here are not the right consistency. Toilet pape
r feels like paper towels and tissues feel like napkins. I guess Israel doesn’t understand soft things for sensitive areas. ISRAEL’S A SENSITIVE AREA, WOULD YOU RATHER I WIPE YOU WITH A PAPER TOWEL OR TOILET PAPER?
5. My newest goal is to meet Atalya’s boyfriend. I hope he’s black.